Sorry to be so quiet. This is what I wrote on this blog just over a year ago.
Blogging versus journalling.
I am not a wordsmith and am jealous of those who can express their encounter with the divine with beautiful words and well constructed sentences. For the last 11 years I have kept a spiritual journal which is full of reflections and my converstaion with God. There is something about physically writing in a notebook (preferably with a fountain pen). It is less considered especially as you cannot hit the delete button and rewrite something. It is the one place where I can be real because I know that no-one apart from God is ever going to read it. It is the most life affirming thing that I have done. I am constantly amazed and humbled at the number of times prayers have been answered (often years later and not all in the way I expected). If it wasn’t there in black and white I would not have remembered what I was asking for. It is a reminder to say thank you God, to the one who has been holding all things together. I am sad too when I see a gap in the journal and I wonder what was going on at that moment in my life. Was my prayer life going through a dry patch or was I allowing myself to get too busy to reflect?
Blogging is a different medium and less satisfying in a way. There is stuff that I would love to share with you but for obvious reasons cannot. I worry that it is less real. I only intend to blog about the shiney things so you could get the impression that everything is rosey and that I am a glass half full person all the time….
…. I am also reluctant to post any of my sermons. It is not because I am wanting to hide my theology. My sermons need to be heard, not read and even though I do still write them out I never read them. You the reader wouldn’t be able to see the twinkle in my eye or the change in tone. I get ideas from many sources and am too frightened that I would forget to acknowledge someone.
My reasons for experimenting with a blog are two fold. I have found enormous support from reading other female clergy’s blogs. This can be a very lonely job and it is lovely to know that you are not alone and that there are others with the same joys and struggles. It also didn’t feel fair of me to secretly lurk, read and not comment. My second reason is that I am having to hold tightly to the good stuff that goes on in the benefice so I don’t get side tracked or bogged down by the treacle.
So, ‘Can I keep this up?’ ‘Is blogging just another form of procrastination?’ ‘Can I be real enough?’
I guess I can so longer as the journaling doesn’t suffer.
Well, my journaling has suffered and so has my relationship with God because I am no longer taking time to reflect carefully about stuff. (Only a few entries since last Easter). This is the longest dry spell I’ve ever had. As I want to be a glorious priest I need to do something about it.
I am resolving to start again especially as we approach Advent and the New Year.
So, if I appear to have gone a bit quiet. Sorry! I will try and remember to mine some of the glorious stuff for you to enjoy. It will be less often but that doesn’t mean it’s stopped being glorious here.